Two Sermons

The last two Sundays have been surprisingly hard on me. I wasn't anticipating it but both left me in tears. Todd Nighswonger has been preaching on the roles of husbands and wives. We have been going through the book of Ephesians and are in 5:22-33. Last week I sat there, listened and took notes on the sermon on wives. I found myself thinking, "I want to be a wife so badly. I want to do all these things so much." During the message I wanted to shout out to the women in the room, "Don't you realize how lucky you are? You get to do the things mentioned in this sermon. You get a husband." After church I went out with two married friends. While talking about a different subject I brought up the sermon. As tears formed in my eyes I told them just how hard it was for me to listen to the sermon. It physically hurt, like a dull pain in the pit of my stomach.

The dull pain didn't really go away this week. I still wished that I could be that wife.

Today I walked into church nervously. I did think about not going, I figured God would be okay with it. I knew what today would be all about and yet I still went. Afterall, God can still show up even in a message that isn't geared towards me.

The musical worship started and each song was so carefully selected. They drew our attention to Jesus and His love for us, foreshadowing the sermon of husbands loving their wives as Jesus loves the church. By the third song I had tears in my eyes reflecting on Jesus' love for me as a member of His church. I also knew what was coming and I was literally crying out to Jesus to meet me where I was.

Todd got on stage and right away I felt the dull pain start and tears coming to my eyes. I got teary on and off through the entire sermon, which painted a beautiful picture of husbands and how they are to love their wives.

On my way out of church a greeter my dad's age who always gives me hugs came over and gave me a hug. He told me that I looked nice and we talked briefly. He paused, looked at me and said, "I pray for your husband as I am sure that you do." I looked back at him with tears in my eyes again and thanked him. He then said, "you will make a great wife someday." I looked back and said, "Thank you and I sure hope so." That is why I was at church this morning. I needed the body and I needed Greg to tell me that he was praying for a husband for me. I am not the only one praying, God's people also pray for me.

I left and went on a long drive. I kept asking God why it hurts so much that I am not married. He reminded me that having the desire to be married is good and the pain that I have been experiencing is because I still have that desire and He knows it. It isn't lost on Him that I desire to be married. While I wait, it is my responsibility to know that God knows me, that He knows my desires and hasn't forgotten them or me. It is my job to serve Him in the waiting and not let the waiting paralyze me.