The Things I Would Say to You

There is so much to say, so much I can't say because of timing and opportunity.

I guess I can start here: I like you. I don't admit that often because after years of heartbreak and sadness not admitting it is easier than admitting it when it all crashes down and my heart is broken.

I am so scared. Not because you are scary but because you could break my heart and my heart is tired of being broken. I am also afraid that you don't like me back and that I have misread all of the signs.

I am so hopeful. I am hopeful that you feel somewhat the same to what I feel. I am hopeful that I haven't read you wrong and that you are hopeful that you haven't read me wrong.

I am holding back. I honestly want to tell you everything every time I see you but I know it isn't appropriate.

I get butterflies every time you compliment me. I am not used to being complimented by guys. I usually ignore it but when you compliment me I read it time and time again. I kind of believe you too.

I trust you. I know that you are thinking. I know that you are logical. I know that you probably have a plan and although I don't know what it is I trust you.

You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you and I didn't plan on every having feelings for you.

I tried to pray you away. For weeks I have been praying that my feelings would go away. They haven't. I got mad at God about that, but they haven't left.

I used to think that we were too similar to date. Honestly, now I feel that we compliment each other so well due to our similarities.

I care about the little things. I care about where you have been, what you have been doing and what you are thinking about.

I think about you a lot and wish I was with you even more. Walking around the mall, shopping for groceries, I just wish that I was with you. It would make it better.

I wish you would text me "Night Nicole" every night. It is a nice way to fall asleep.

I am praying for you. I know that a lot of the responsibility of this is falling on your shoulders. I am praying that you would be wise and that God would show you the right timing for whatever will happen.

I care about you...probably more than I should, but that is part of who I am. I give my whole self to people whether or not they ask for it and in return I care about them.

My favorite times with you are in kitchens. Whether it is cleaning up after Easter or hanging out in my kitchen after Brooke's party, kitchens hold my favorite memories of you so far.

I was so nervous to meet your parents. I was so pleasantly surprised when they were so similar to you and I was immediately comfortable with them.

I appreciate you. Thank you for making me this happy, even if my heart breaks I have loved being this happy. I think you are a big part of why I am so happy and I thank you for that.

Finally, thank you. Thank you for showing me that there are quality guys still left in the world and I won't have to have someone that treats me poorly.